Sanctification Calls for Questions

(Part of Sanctified Sections post series and Streets of Sanctification label)

During this season of my life, many of my sanctification moments involve my immediate family – my husband and children. My sanctification and theirs is being lived out day to day, week to week, and year to year! The good, the bad and the ugly – if you will.

One morning this past week, I was jolted to full alertness by my two favorite sons arguing in the kitchen over which food resources should be consumed and by whom. (Scarcity of food resources in a house with young, growing men is a constant real and present danger!)

“You took the last two tortillas!” accused the authoritative, firstborn, fourteen-year-old son. “You should have eaten the whole wheat bread!” With a tone of injustice and exasperation, the oldest son brings his plight to his mother, who is not the sharpest (or most sanctified) judge and juror before 9:00am. But none-the-less, sanctification never sleeps, (at least not past 9:00am!) and I am once again summoned to direct the traffic for these two budding, often bull-dozing, boys.

The first to present their case seems just, until another comes along and examines him. (Prov 18:17)

The youngest son, Caleb, often feeling to be the victim of such barrages of the high expectations from his older brother, rather dumb founded demands, “Daniel, leave me alone! I didn’t do anything wrong! You always get on to me!”

When clarity and hidden-heart agendas need to be revealed, there is a model Jesus provided. One he used over and over again. One I seek to feebly follow in our own home.

Delaying dealing with my youngest’s tone and sweeping statement, a question arises in my mind. Unclear as to why my oldest son was pushing the whole wheat bread, I asked some key questions. This brings me to my first practical principle in sanctification.

Sanctification Principle #1:

Ask questions and get THEM thinking!

Questions engage the mind and reveal thinking.  Jesus modeled this throughout His interactions with different people. His purpose was often to sift to the surface the heart and the understanding of the person he was engaging.

 Caution: Too often as parents, we continue do all the thinking for our older children.

Through a series of questions, it is revealed my oldest partiality toward the tortillas and his lack of fondness for whole wheat bread. Upon this revelation, we determine -  together - he should not have taken a reprimanding demeanor with his younger brother which began the disgruntled detour. Reconciliation (a practical process put firmly in place in our home from the time my oldest was two) was sought with his brother, both apologized for their reactive words, attitudes and tones. Sanctification continues - relationships strengthened, bitterness abated, humility displayed, grace given – after all, He is the potter and we are the clay. The streets of sanctification are once again relatively relationally liter-free.

Weighty considerations as we journey down the streets of sanctification…

This takes TIME, LISTENING and asking QUESTIONS! Much harder than giving a command and demanding compliance, which most appropriately characterizes parenting in the child’s younger years (or the inverse mindset of leaving the children to themselves to find looking-to-the-interest-of-others, god-honoring wisdom.) As the child grows self-revelation is much more powerful and lasting than the revelation by others to the child – questions help sift self-revelation to the surface.  Are we willing to invest at this level? We choose. This is a toll road. There is only a PAY NOW or PAY LATER option, because either way, we will pass through the toll booth. Pay now is proactive, pay later is reactive and tends to be much messier. Both are costly in time and energy, however one way tends to be much more harmonious, the other way much less.

Have you found this out the hard way? In some areas of my sanctification journey I sure have! My biggest struggle has been to have tools to help me be proactive. As a parent, this took genuine humility on my part, because that meant I didn’t have all the answers much less tools to help me. I don’t even think I had any answers, mostly because I didn’t have a vision for intentional parenting founded on His word and ways. Rather, I had lots of “man’s wisdom” – from my own secular upbringing, my third parent – the TV, ideas influenced by romance books and mindless music. Yikes! The only thing I can say is that when my oldest was two years old, I became keenly aware that I didn’t know where I was going with these new family additions!  I hit a roadblock on the streets of sanctification.

So what do I do when I need help? Is there a street sign with instruction in His word, on what to do when we need help? Yes!! Call on the Lord, seek Him, seek Him with all our heart is what His word says. So I clung to Jeremiah 9:23-24, Jer 33:3, Prov 3:5-6,  and other scriptures that revealed this “seeking and finding” principle to me and the journey began…

So roadblocks require genuine humility and a few tools in order to overcome and  journey forward. I say tools and not techniques. Techniques tend to cage our thinking  into a system or formula, which, when divorced from foundational understanding, are dangerous and inappropriate when it finds its application in people and relationships. Rather, we need tools which provide an image of a master tradesman with understanding utilizing a tool to accomplish a purpose.

Do you and I know our purpose as parents? Do we seek to understand our influence, stewardship, responsibility? I am afraid too often we do not. Rather than seeking sanctification in our parental thinking, we seek the path of least resistance or the path of least patience… and we settle. We settle for what the current culture says, and yes, even what some short-sighted church leaders and “church-goers” say.

One of the primary tools we need is good questions!

Good questions are by nature, engaging and relational. Without good questions, we are merely having “parallel monologues”, as I have heard my friend, Andrew Kern, say. Conversations without connections don’t strengthen relationships – with God or with others. So let’s see where we can go to find some models of good questions, then we’ll work on some principles of purpose and listening.

More probing ideas to come…

Uncomfortable? You bet, that is sanctification’s way. With the perpetual flow of seemingly prickly people in our lives as well as our own ample portions of porcupine-ness, sanctification finds its transforming abode.

Wise Parents Wrestle…

Today produced yet another enlightening discussion with friends and fellow forerunners in the Christian-parenting journey. Personal struggles in passing along the live-giving ideas and principles wrapped up in a life based on truth as defined by the One who claimed to be the Way, the Truth and the Life.

The communication and cultivation of these life-giving and life-altering truths to the next generation, in a world preoccupied with its own passing beauty, is appropriately marked by struggle - a wrestling if you will.  After all,  where there is no wrestling - no struggle - inherent weakness and frailty remain unrevealed.  A result no loving parent would intentionally wish to cultivate yet statistics bear an alarming frailty among young people emerging from “Christian” homes.

Wise parents therefore welcome the wrestling and do not settle for the short-sighted temptation to exasperate our young adults by means of forcing mere external obedience while refusing to engage their young minds and hearts through relevant encounters of principles and ideas from scripture. While we, as parents, are often already resolved on such ideas and principles, we often forget how we arrived at such resolutions. Many resolutions have been made through our own struggles with truth and “truth” (and others through amiable acquiesce or clinging to a certain form or tradition, but that is a subject best left for another blog post). The next generation must be afforded the same opportunity, the same right to test His ways and truths against the world’s “ways” and “truths”. The Way, the Truth and the Life is more than up to the task, even if we parents are not! Remember, He dealt with us, didn’t He?

Is such wrestling permitted and promoted within the arena of your home, my home? The days of parenting by authority alone were appropriate when our children were young and their capacity to understand and reason required consistent external governance, correction and intervention. However, in healthy, and I would argue Biblical, parenting of the human soul, this external governance must give way to internal governance upon which the work of His spirit must be fully relied upon for all application and wisdom on the parents part and the budding youth’s heart.

Consequently, if we parents continue to rely more upon our own strength by exerting our unilateral authority to its fullest extent in all matters on behalf of these young adults, this internal governance in our youth remains neglected, and as a result, it is profoundly retarded. Producing what kind of adult? At best, an adult that is conditioned to be controlled and cared for by other humans with an identity grounded in human elements and efforts. In the end, both parent and youth resent this regretful result.

The human soul innately knows it was designed for a greater governance, a governance that does not produce slavery to a human element, but a governance that paradoxically produces freedom from human frailties of self and others. Producing a freedom to love and serve from the heart. With a transcendent identity characterized by an attractive and unassuming authority that stems from the internal governance of His spirit. This is the appropriate and fruitful governance the human soul was designed to find its fullest satisfaction.

My spirit is vexed in this sober undertaking. What parent is able to labor in a worthy manner under such weighty matters? Hope abounds because of His provision. For whom He has granted precious and magnificent promises through which, when apprehended and appropriated by His grace, we wrestle with Him who bestows strength, blessing, understanding, and wisdom.

May we wrestle with Him, so that we may have personal strength to pass to our youth in their time of wrestling.

From Triangles to Tattoos?!?

Each week, I have the privilege of gathering with a group of 16 and 17 year olds where we learn math and more about the God behind the language of math!

This week, we were once again learning even more about triangles. Let me just say, I love triangles! Triangles are so important in measuring and relating to God’s creation that there is a whole course called Trigonometry devoted to them! And guess what, my God is a triune God.  Interesting that He would choose the triangle as a corner piece in understanding so many aspects of His creation. Very interesting, isn’t it?!?

So this week, we were contemplating triangles. Formulas for triangles, similar triangles, right-triangles, congruent triangles, … and I stopped!

“Students. What do the words congruent triangles mean?”

A student replies reading the bold text from a lesson, “Congruent triangles are similar triangles with a scale factor of one.”

“Good!” I replied. “So you could say congruent triangles are the same. They have the same side lengths and same angles.”

Frustrated and forlorn, one student states, “Well then! Why don’t we just say that then! Why do we have to use strange words!”

YES!! The moment had come! You see, I have been waiting, waiting for this fated pivotal moment. The moment when the stars aligned, and I could share a secret I learned seven years ago - a learning secret.

“Every subject has a language that we have to learn! This is called the grammar. Do you feel stupid when someone keeps using a word as if you should know what it means? I sure do! Does anyone here know what a direct object is? A few nodded, others whispered “No.” I said, “If you knew Latin or sentence patterns and structures you would.”

So it is so important to go back and ASK, what do you mean by _______? Or hustle back through a lesson and find the definition of that unfamiliar word.  In order to learn anything, we have to understand the words people use and how they are using them – this is called the grammar!” If we don’t understand the words, or know the grammar, we tend to shutdown and tune out, because it really is “all Greek to me!”

I didn’t stop there. Oh no! The door had been swung open and I have been invited in! I went on … to the dialectic stage. Learning how to think and make connections; perceive relationships between subjects, between concepts and between their personal faith and their personal choices.

On and on, I went! Until finally, as I was moving into the third learning skill, rhetoric, I stopped and I asked. “Does anyone here have a tattoo?”

Attention riveted, as they each craned their necks to be sure they had heard my question correctly. Everyone shook their head, but I could tell I had struck an already contemplated cord. A tempting knock on the debate door was heard loud and clear. I allowed for a temporary trek down tattoo lane… but only to serve my greater purpose.

“Why would someone want a tattoo?” I fished.

Immediately, the answer from one student was - “To tell a story, to share a message that is important to the bearer.”

Ahhhh HAAA! Here is where I rounded out the robust and riveting discussion, by dropping my premise into place. The idea that words – speaking and writing words – are superior to images in many ways. What’s my authority? God’s illustrations and metaphors in His word. Specifically, referencing our God in speaking creation into existence and Jesus being the word of God, just to name a few. Words carry great power!

I challenged the students – work on using words well!

I concluded by saying… whether you or your friend has a tattoo or piercing or whatever… people will ask questions about it and you will eventually need words to tell the real, whole story … and that is the heart of rhetorical skills – mastering the right usage of words!

We bantered a bit more, even laughed as we shared thoughts and ideas. One student asked me, “What do you think, Ms. Shirley?” Good! They are interested in what I think. Like any good teacher would do, I let the question linger, leaving them to ponder what I might think and why. “That discussion is for another time.” Though I am disappointed that no one asked me if I had a tattoo, but I think I inadvertently let that cat out of the bag when I said, “It is by the grace of God that I don’t have a tattoo. Before the age of twenty, I was an atheist, but that’s yet another colorful story for another time!”

So I leave the rest of this discussion to your family’s dynamics, history and walk with the Lord. You can thank me (or curse me) later! :)

Either way, your family still needs to answer the question…

What is MY communication strategy?

Comparing Covenants

My oldest two children and I are currently working through a study on Abraham using Precept Ministries materials for teens/schools.

We are enjoying looking into the life of Abraham, where many historical and spiritual sprouted. Who was Abraham? What is his significance? How does this relate to the rest of scripture? These are only a few of the questions we contemplate and ponder in this rich study.

This week we camped on the Abrahamic covenant and cross referenced two other main covenants in the scriptures – the Old Covenant and the New Covenant.  While we only scratched the surface of these ideas and their implications, it was an incredible time of discussion and observation.

I’ll share a quick overview chart that may stir your family to ponder and compare these covenants.

 

Abrahamic Covenant (AC)	Old Covenant (OC)	New Covenant(NC)
Genesis 15	Exodus 24, Gal 3	Ez 36, Jer 31, Gal 3
God made with Abram	God made with Israel	God made with believers
Promise: Great nation, descendants (seed) All nations blessed through him Land	added because of transgression Tutor to lead to Christ	Promise: God’s Law written on hearts Forgives iniquity God’s Spirit within causes to walk in His ways

 

We asked questions like:

• When was the covenant made? How long will it last?
• Who made it? Who was it made with?
• What was promised? What was its purpose?
• What was the outcome? What was Abram’s response? What was Israel’s response? What should be the response of those participating in the New Covenant?

Enjoy pondering and discussing!

Memorials Help Us Keep Perspective…

Have you ever noticed how easily we forget the blessings that have been bestowed upon us? How quickly your day, week, month or year can turn into a series of difficulties or frustrations?

Depending on our personality and upbringing, we either have a tendency to see life as a glass “half-empty” or as a glass “half-full”. Regretfully, the first describes my mode of thinking more often than the later.

 

Perhaps you have heard attitude determines altitude, I have come to embrace the idea that my thought-life and the filter through which I view life – must continually be cleaned and adjusted!

Several years ago, when my children were very young and through a series of  “parenting refinements”, I was introduced to this idea of a memorial box. As the Lord often commanded his people to remember (crossing the river with Joshua, feasts, the Lord’s supper, etc…), so the Lord commands us to remember.

So here is our modest, authentic and rather tacky-looking memorial box…

So what has our family put in it? It has to meet one of two criteria: (1) It reminds us concretely of a situation or circumstance where the Lord uniquely worked in the life of our family or a family member or (2) Provide a significant or pivotal memory in the life of the family member.

Here you see our overflowing ten-year-old memorial box. (We need to store some of the contents to make room for more.)

• Driver’s license plate reminds us an old car we received as a GIFT when we desperately needed a second car.
• The Bible is a memorial to when I became a Christian.
• The flower represents my speaking at Gideon’s conferences, sharing how God has changed my life through a small Gideon Bible.
• Certain pictures remind us of a car accident several years ago, when my three children were all under 5 years old. The van was totaled, but we were all okay!
• The post cards remind us of special trips others made and thought of us.
• Tucked behind the license plate, are the first pair of pants my daughter sewed.

Those are just a few of the items on top!

If you are a parent, you already know how quickly our children can forget the blessing, privileges and provisions you provide as parents – Just like we often do with the Lord’s blessings and provisions… I have found this memorial box is a wonderful concrete, visual reminder that our lives are how they are because of OTHERS – God first, then for my children they see how we as parents provide for them – we provide what they could not provide for themselves and more…

We love taking time to remember! It helps us all keep a sober assessment of ourselves and the trials that come knocking at our door….

Summer Book-Camp | The Soul of Science (Part 1)

As a homeschool parent, every summer becomes a "boot-camp" or should I say "book-camp" of sorts for me! I compile books to be read - digested - and ideas to be apprehended.

This summer The Soul of Science subtitled Christian Faith and Natural Philosophy by Nancy Pearcy and Charles Thaxton is now in my portable book bag with tattered pages and highlighted in a multitude of colors.

So let's begin - "Why?" is this book on my "book-camp" list? Because it reviews the history of people, culture and ideas that shaped the modern science we have today. In Christian circles, modern science tends to be viewed as pagan or an enemy to our faith. In fact, "modern" science indeed has many presuppositions that are anti-Christian or anti-God. So, as a Christian, how do I teach "true" science, which reveals God's created order and beauty? As Romans 1:20 says:

²⁰For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.

Good question!

This will be the my the topic of my posts over the next few weeks - Stay tuned!

Purchase Soul of Science.

Today I am off to NCHE...

My yearly pilgrimage to our state's local convention for home schoolers, North Carolina Home Educators, is here.  Our local conference is around the third largest in the nation (the last time I checked anyway), with thousands and thousands in attendance.

This sea of families gathers to be inspired AND often overwhelmed.  Inspired by the plethora of spell-binding speakers and overwhelmed by the plethora of undergirding resources.

I fondly remember my arrival to this strange and new land, the land of the blue jean jumpers (of which I have never owned) and families with more than 1.7 children (having three children of my own). Initially, I remember experiencing a lack of connection with this unfamiliar land of people, but more of a new found sense of independence and freedom.  Independence to make the best decisions for and with my children in regards to their education, and the freedom to chose from a variety of resources and methods to cultivate a students of wisdom and virtue.

I have to confess, this newfound freedom and independence has been frightening at times, and a bit uncomfortable even. However, after years of making this pilgrimage and years of learning how to learn, I have become less overwhelmed.  I now embrace each year of my independence and freedom with more and more vision and anticipation.  Fear of the unknown has gradually given way to an intrepid yet sober vigilance to embrace this new land.

How about you, fellow pilgrim?

Simple Spelling and Language Lessons

Being unusually organized this week... I thought I would take time to share my simple, yet effective spelling and language strategy that I have developed over the years. 

Using a classical framework as well as tools I have learned from Essentials, here is a simple flow you may wish to consider...

Weekly spelling list:

1. theory/theories
2. mystify/mystifying
3. occupy/occupied
4. try/tries
5. story/stories
6. boundary/boundaries
7. easy/easily
8. priority/priorities
9. costly/costliest
10. authority/authorities

Discuss rules and exceptions.  Copy or test orally or written.

Dictation  (I have a dictation book with associated spelling words, or I make up my own.  Today I made up my own list and dictation sentences, note that the sentences contain words from my weekly list.)

1. The authorities occupied the land. {S-Vt-DO}
2. Good boundaries are the costliest. {S-Vl-PA}
3. Some theories are mystifying stories. {S-Vl-PN}
4. She easily manages her priorities. {S-Vt-DO}

Review Grammar

• State/write the seven sentence patterns.
• State 4 purposes and 4 sentence structures.
• Name the five kinds of nouns.
• Name the four types of verbs.
• Chant the preposition list.

Choose a sentence and parse.

Choosing sentence #1

• Who occupied the land? Authorities - subject noun
• What is being said about authorities? Occupied. Verb.
• Occupied what? Land. Does land describe authorities? No.  Can land replace authorities? No. Then land is a Direct Object, label the verb transitive.
• What kind of authorities? The - article adjective.
• What kind of land? The - article adjective.

Now Modify...

Modification #1 - Add a preposition phrase

• The authorities occupied the land near the river.
• During the war, the authorities occupied the land.

Modification #2 - Change the purpose to interrogative.

• Did the authorities occupy the land?
• Who occupied the land?

Because I have studied the "grammar" of  language with my children, I can easily walk through lessons like these and even tailor lessons for my children.  My understanding and ability to logically follow the system above allows me to enjoy wonderful language lessons with my children.  And when I tailor my lessons by making them up from scratch, I am utilizing classical rhetorical skills. 

This lesson above took me about 20 minutes with my 9 and 11 year old.  I did add another step - we diagrammed the sentence too!  My 11 year old does more sentences, walking through all of these steps and my younger does one sentence well.  I even have my 11 year old "play the teacher" - and walk her younger brother through these steps.

NOW...  Do you want to know where I started 4 years ago? 

At GROUND  ZERO!  My children were 9, 7, and 5. 

I had avoided language studies as a student. (Engineering school lends itself nicely to that!)  While I have always been a strong reader, my ability to write and compose was greatly lacking, as was my basic understanding of language. Not wanting the same for my children, I have put myself in some pretty uncomfortable positions in order to learn language and writing so I can pass along better language tools to my children.

Homeschooling ... redeeming two generations of education - my children's and my own!

I've been tagged...

This is most interesting - this whole idea of tagging!  Everyone wants to be "it" don't they!?!

Thanks Beth (Pages of our Life) for tagging me - this should be fun, revealing and enlightening - and all at the same time!

Random and weird - ambiguous and relative terms...  therefore I will take the liberty where I find wiggle room... 

Let me do this countdown style...

7... I have completed 4 half marathons, 2 spring triathlons, and 1 olympic triathlon - all after turning 35 years old!

6... I was a bit of a radical "feminist" (in the N.O.W. sense of the word) and a self-proclaimed atheist, until the Lord go a hold of me at age 19.

5... During our long-distance "courting days", my husband, born and bred in Mississippi, sent me the following personal ad in the mail...

Man looking for good woman who loves hunting, fishing, and digging worms; has most of her teeth and owns a boat and trailer. Please send picture (of boat and trailer).

I knew I had a good man!

4... I lived in Saudi Arabia for two years when I was 9 and 10 years old.  My extracurricular activities were belly dancing and synchronized swimming!

3... After finding out I was pregnant with our second child (1997), I turned down two job promotions (that would have taken me close to a six figure salary) within six months of each other... When my second child was three months old I resigned to stay home full-time.  Hmm... is this the same gal from #6? Yes and no.

2... I don't really cook (or decorate or "do lunch" or shop or garden).  Saturday evenings (sacred family Saturdays, I call them) we have our "feast" for the week. My husband mans the grill almost every Saturday (rain or shine, sun or snow) and grills enough meat to make two good left-over meals.  The other couple of nights of during the week the kids make easy Mexican meals or sandwiches.  Friday night is our classical spaghetti night (not sure this really counts as cooking), and Sunday afternoon/evenings are our breakfast dinners. My motto - simplicity!

1... I NEVER thought I would EVER be home schooling.  I kicked and screamed the first few years, shed many tears, even filled out school papers a few times.  And now I wish I hadn't been such a baby... The fruit, lifestyle, and strength it has brought to myself and my family is beyond description; more than I could have asked or imagined.

Here are the BLOGs or places I have randomly listed!

One Smart Mama

Funny Farm

Planted by streams

Journey to Learn

His by Design

Chaffee's

Looking Toward Heaven

Edu-tainment vs. Stick and Sand

In our generation, there has been a turning tide, a tide that has been eroding true education. In a desire to be brief, let me cut right to the chase. In short, I call it "edu-tainment." What do I mean by edu-tainment? Let me expound...

Edu-tainment replaces modeling, dialoguing and thinking with flashy tools or games, thus leaving the student in a passive state of receiving stimuli, but not really processing and owning the material or skills needed for a successful learning journey. Classical educators have referred to this approach as filling a bucket, pouring information into or around a student (the bucket) until they can't take any more. The student is viewed as a passive receiver - a bucket. Long term this edu-tainment or filling-focused approach is very unsatisfying for the student, leaving the spirit of the student disengaged, which eventually leads to disinterest in life's great learning adventure.

Classical Conversations programs, tutors, and parents strive to light the fire, to engage the student in learning process. This is primarily through modeling, working alongside the student with extensive dialogue and encouragement, and finally the student working through their studies more independently and confidently because they have had a sound model and encouraging mentors.

Now is there anything inherently wrong with tools? Of course not, but they should never replace discussions and engaging the student's brain in the thinking process. As a parent-teacher, it is easy to be fooled into thinking we are "teaching" when in fact we are simply gratified by the impressed excitement around our tool (or perhaps the quantity of worksheets we have completed), while leaving the student unchanged and relatively untaught. Beyond the immediate albeit exciting experience (or sense of accomplishment), no skill or true knowledge was effectively transferred. Teaching tools have their place, but are secondary to the hands, minds and hearts of the teacher and student.

True education employs powerful modeling and teaching, and does not merely reveal how much the teacher knows or the fancy tools they can create that reveal the teacher's creativeness... but rather true teaching and education draws thinking and connections out of the student, engaging the student in learning. Let's keep it simple. Note I did not say simplistic. Modeling, dialoguing and encouraging our students in their learning journey is hard work, and in many ways more difficult than creating a presentation or game. Let's be diligent to recover and restore true education.

Here's a simple test Leigh Bortins, Founder of Classical Conversations, uses when approaching teaching her program class and her own boys... If I only had a stick and sand, could I engage and effectively dialogue with my students about the concept I want to teach them? This helps us to rely more on modeling, dialogue and relationship then on the false sense of accomplishment a flashy presentation can leave. Minutes of effective modeling and dialogue are exponentially more effective than hours spent on presentation.

Let's be careful not to get swept up in the undercurrent of edu-tainment or should I say let's not ride the edu-tainment wave, but rather ask yourself, If all I had were a stick and sand, how would I engage and dialogue with the students concerning this skill or subject?

More on the classical model

Visit Leigh Bortins BLOG - 1 Smart Mama

Responsibility - Merge Ahead

On the highway of life there are responsibility entrance ramps and exit ramps. I have recently taken a responsibility exit ramp … the “brushing the teeth of my youngest” exit ramp, or at least a frontage road.

That’s right… the torch, I mean the toothbrush, has been firmly placed in my nine year olds capable hands. Of course, I still remind my youngest to brush his teeth quite often. Recently, upon inspection, it was revealed that the tooth burshing responsibility was in the slow lane with speed descreasing at a decaying rate! This responsiblity merge was a bit stalled.

What is a responsible parent to do? Well… if my son was much younger or incapable of brushing his teeth, then of course I would take back the responsibility and do it myself. But alas that is not the root issue, is it? Rather this is an issue of personal responsibility and maybe even something more.

Assuming the best and offering the “benefit of the doubt”, I spoke to my son with unusual mercy, “I know it is hard to remember, but when I do remind you, you need to follow through.” With piercingly honest eyes, he replies, “Mom, actually, I have been kind of blowing off what you say when you remind me. I don’t stop and do it then. I just say ‘Yes, mam’ and don’t really do it. (Sound like a familiar parable?) I didn’t want you to think it was because I didn’t remember; I really need to do better at listening to what you say. I’m sorry mom, will you forgive me? I want to really make a change, this time.”

Well now!!! While I sure didn’t like the way he response began (although the honesty rang to the center of my own soul concerning areas of negligence or mere lip service), he did take personal responsibility for the dental neglect. Then another step beyond that (a sanctified step that our family has adopted) he sought forgiveness for “blowing off” my instructions.We spent some "heart time" in the familiar parable, empty words for appearance sake, and obedience.

Now time (and more grace-filled reminders), will tell how well his dental hygiene habits mature, but this dental discussion revealed maturity fruit in another area. Travel on!

Lord, I need your wisdom and balance, to not incubate immaturity but rather mentor my children toward maturity…thank you for allowing me to see glimpses of your greater work in each of my children’s hearts.

Matters of the Heart

I once asked a veteran home school mother "What is the most important thing you have learned, now that you have graduated your four children from your home school?" She pondered my question and answered thoughtfully, "Many times I focused more on my children's behavior and character, than on their heart. So I would say learning to emphasize the importance of what is going on in the heart of my children versus trying to address only symptoms, which are behavior and character." Her response was a golden nugget of wisdom the Lord dropped along my mothering path that I will never forget.

Knowing that man can only see the outward appearance and only the Lord can truly know a person's heart (I Samuel 16:7) - I made it a consistent and intentional part of my parenting to beseech the Lord for His wisdom. I knew I needed His wisdom to give me insight into the hearts of my children in order to best guide, teach, correct, encourage, and affirm each one.

The current parenting trend is to address behavior only, or to over teach character. While these are an important part of parenting, alone they do not adequately deal with the "root" of a persistant issue a child is manifesting. The heart is where the root of any behavior and character issues lie. The responsibility of addressing such issues falls squarely on the shoulders of parents. This is a God-sized parenting assignment, and is not for the faint-hearted, or those that are easily intimidated. Jesus said that what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart. Only the Lord has the power to affect change in the heart of a person, and the Lord is faithful to hear and move on behalf of His humble and seeking people. So as parents we must intentionally and consistently seek such a posture before the Lord. Will you and I take the time?

Lesson for Life: God always knows what is going on in the heart of my child, even when I don't. Don't give up and give in to popular culture that says "It's a phase, it will pass...", this is a partial truth. Our children will go through phases, but it is our responsibility as parents to teach our children "wisdom's way" through these "phases". Seek Him for the answers of how to pray, respond, teach, affirm, and correct (Jer 33:3).

Fertilizing Your Soul

Today Emily arrived home from camp. Tradition dictates that we spend a few moments "debriefing" the family on the camp days... Laughter echoes and life lessons abound...

Then after lunch (and a special coffee run) the discussions take on an introspective tone, at my prompting of course :).

"How do we really live out a life that glorifies the Lord?" is the question "on deck"... as we all seem to agree that this is our purpose... but how does the rubber meet the road?

We discuss the classic disciplines of the christian life - prayer, service, knowing His word, ... but still I probe further... "Why do we do these things?" I know that soon the answer "because you told us to" or "because it is expected of me..." won't cut it... they need to think deeper as they mature. Their seeds of obedience must push through the soil and mature into fruit that can withstand exposure to the elements.

The tumultuous but thoughtful tilling of the soil continues...

"When we do the easy things... like passively taking in media or just following the culture/crowd, what is going on?"

Delaying any "quick and easy" answers... I then give an example of how ideas, values, beliefs change from age to age... and ask "How do we know who is right?" Then I ask "Who is right?" THEN the more important question comes - WHY? I need my children to then think and say - well... Does the Bible have anything to say about this? Now this is gardening at its finest... unearthing God's wisdom, principles, ways, and character. Is there anything better?

I now summarize... "There is a battle for our affections, our heart, our time, our minds. Everyday we are exposing ourselves to ideas, beliefs, values, etc... So who is going to define our values - what is right and wrong, true and false? If we are not careful we'll let the world define it, because of its easy access and enticing attributes....
BUT when we seek after the solid food of God's word, we seek wisdom and that transcends the current culture and its ideas, wisdom that imparts true nutrition to the soul. In doing this, we have intentionally sought a richer fertilizer, one that is specifically designed to just the right "soul-nourishing pH" balance, regardless of the climate."

So from whom do we get the majority of our fertilizer? The media? Finite men, whose life span is on average 70 years? Or our infinite creator and His word?

So back to the question "on deck"... How do we live a life that glorifies the Lord?

By wisely choosing our fertilizer sources ...

So ... Which fertilizer are you going to mix in your soul? I mean soil!

Music... the message, the messenger, the mode

Life principles and teachable moments... that pretty much sums up the bulk of my motherhood journey these days...
Daniel's related post

As the realm of music, and really media in general, present themselves front and center in the life of an American teen (and parent!)... once again we are called to lead. As a parent do we avoid and ban? Or dialogue and discern? Well... as you can imagine, I would say each method should be appropriately employed!
Watch over your heart with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life.

In the arena of media, we have modeled for our kids the thinking through layers of communications... Layers like the message or meaning or purpose of a song, show, movie, etc... What effect, fruit and outcome does this message bring forth? Usually this area of a young teen's understanding is on a fast learning curve, but the teen should not rely solely upon their understanding, insight and wisdom to discern these dynamics. As the parent, we have more perspective, and hopefully wisdom, to offer our young teens - to mentor them along in "thinking" through ideas and messages that seek to implant themselves in our minds and hearts.
As a man thinketh in his heart, so he is...

Next, Ed and I work through educating our kids on messengers of the message... in this case the person behind the music. The message of and from a person is naturally and rationally connected with the nature of its creator. Music, art and other media are forms of expression... thus they flow out of the heart of a person. If I choose to cling to music that "sounds good to me", without examining the message and the messenger, I may often be lumped and eventually shaped into the same form as the messenger. So what clay am I being lumped with?
Do not be conformed to the world but be ye transformed...

Finally, the mode or the style of music. This is an area we are learning more about as a family. Music affects the soul. It bypasses the rational - which really makes music all the more potent in its effects upon the soul. For soothing and nurturing the soul or for confusing and atrophying the soul. So here, I pay closer attention to my child's musical creations, as well their consistent choices, dialoguing as needed along the way.
All things are lawful for me, but not all are profitable. All things are lawful, but I will not be mastered by anything. All things are lawful, but not all things edify.

So there you have it... the layers at which we as a family evaluate, dialogue, filter and choose our music selections.

Mentoring and modeling toward maturity...